Living in the Now

Terrarium in a botttle

The following post is taken from my journal “Living in the Now" covering a one month period.

I was 20 y.o. living in Rhode Island in my senior year of college when I wrote this.

Monday, November 25.

I bought a wandering jew plant today. A typical day for me involves meeting new people, finding interesting displays, sales, exhibits, lectures, and films.

Talking to young, old, middle-aged, Black, White, Asian, Jewish, Catholic, males, females, rich and poor. I don't waste a minute. I'm learning things all the time. I love life. Living is a pleasure. Good things happen to me all the time.

Poetry is just one of my interests.

DH Lawrence wrote on loneliness.

" I never know what people mean when they complain of loneliness.

To be alone is one of life's greatest delights, thinking one's own thoughts, doing one's own little jobs, seeing the world beyond and feeling oneself uninterrupted in the rooted connection within the centre of all things."

Tuesday, November 26.

When the light of day first appears, I know it is time to awaken. My body and my mind work together.

To my new and young wandering jew- a long & healthy life. May your branches stem out and flow forever.

Shells seem to brighten my day. I bought a shell necklace and shell bag at a crafts fair yesterday.

My thoughts are pushing through new barriers, what was always there, yet kept from me.

I see the light in my mind's eye. 

Yes, I see oppression in the form of racism and sexism.

USA. Land of opportunity.

DH Lawrence wrote on friendship.

"He said to me: you don't trust me!

I said: Oh yes, I do! I know you won't pick my pocket, I know you'll be very kind to me.

But it was not enough, he looked at me almost with hate.

And I failed entirely to see what he meant.

Since there was no circumstance requiring trust between us.

Tuesday, December 3.

I am going to learn photography with a 35 mm camera. Meanwhile taking mental notes of what I want to photograph. Rhode Island is a good place, so many scenes I want to remember in years to come. When I am long gone and on my way.

I must get a book on terrariums so I can make one to give away.

Words to define me:

detective, romantic, lover of beauty, writer, poet, painter, seeker of knowledge, collector, reader, speaker, contemplator, dreamer,

idealist, artist, creator, dancer, optimist, organizer, planner.

Saturday, December 7.

Spent some time in the morning browsing through the pottery sales. Bought a hanging planter, in aqua, which brings me to colors. I tend toward aquas and light greens. Cool colors. Water, grass.

Would like to learn how to make pottery, jewelry: earrings, bracelets, chokers, and other necklaces; candles in sand, macrame, rugs.

Sunday, December 8.

Accomplished a 9 page paper for Black Literature. That's how I spent most of the day, a sense of accomplishment is a good feeling.

Music is a feeling. Horns, I like horns.

Xylophones, piano.

Wrote a few letters this weekend. Spent Friday night with Chuck.

Tuesday, December 10.

The more I learn & experience, the more I realize how much there is left unlearnt & unexperienced. It's overwhelming. My thoughts want so badly to push through new barriers. It's in connection to what DH Lawrence was after. There's a potential to the mind that's in the darkness, yet I'm striving to get in touch with it. I want to. I feel a need to.

DH Lawrence wrote on non-existence.

“ We don't exist unless we are deeply and sensually in touch with that which can be touched but not known”.

He wrote on belief.

“Forever nameless.

Forever unknown.

Forever unconceived.

Forever unrepresented

yet forever felt in the Soul”.

Monday, December 16.

It's a bit after 7 a.m. As I sit & eat my breakfast my ears bring me the voice of Jackson Browne and my eyes bring me the sight of waves breaking out at sea and the sun making it's grand entrance upon the horizon. The sky is a host of colors and I can watch the changes.

A sight to behold and I experience it every morning.

When I looked out the window my eyes caught sight of a seagull soaring through the air.

Saturday, December 21.

Christmas time is in the air. Packing done. My mind is neatly packed too with thoughts of friends-time spent worthwhile. Joan DelVecchio in Cambridge Friday.

Chuck in Wakefield Saturday, and Gregg in Manhattan Sunday.

Monday, December 23.

I am in Bayside. Home for the holiday.

DH Lawrence wrote on Optimism.

“ The optimist builds himself safe inside a cell and paints the inside walls sky blue and blocks up the door and says he's in heaven”.

Random Thoughts

Renoir's  Still Life : Flowers

I started keeping a journal at the age of 19. Back then we didn't have the technology for blogging. Either we typed or we hand wrote to document life. I chose to write in a blank book and in that choice, I chose to add a bit of my own art. Handwriting is in itself an art form. Now we have hundreds of fonts to choose from when we want to add our artistry. This font is Nanum Brush Script.

It was August of that year when at the age of 26, I entitled my new journal “Random Thoughts”. I gave each new blank book a title. I did not know it at the time but journaling would become a very special part of my life. When we can fill up a blank page with our thoughts, we can capture ourselves in that fleeting moment, much like a photograph does. Then time passes and one day we have a way to view where we were at, what we were thinking, and embrace ourselves for the person we were and who we have become.

I share a piece of that past now from “Random Thoughts”.

It covers one month, the month of August, in my 26^th year of life.

Saturday, August 9 9:34 p.m.

I miss someone I don't even know yet.

Saturday, August 16 7:24 p.m.

Walking up University Place I thought about its been long enough since I've felt the energy for fully living.It's within my power to make a change

Wednesday, August 2o 9:46 a.m.
You have to practice health, to be healthy.
Reading “I'm Dancing AS Fast As I Can” by Barbara Gordon.“We were intimate strangers”.
Today is Mom's birthday.
Thursday august 21 9:42 p.m.

Ten years ago today 42 people were killed by storm “Dorothy” in Martinique.

Finished book by Barbara G. “ Every time you took a valium you opted for deadness, and now you must allow yourself to feel, feel everything- anger,love, sadness”.

GROWTH IS ALWAYS PAINFUL.

“it's not a question of good friends, of bad friends. It's a question of cleaning up your relationships”.

Met a guy on the bus home who works as a copy writer in the Time Life building.

Friday August 22 11:48 p.m.

Went to the outdoor restaurant at the Citicorp building by myself for lunch. Ended up talking to 2 h.s. Students from Brooklyn, interested in journalism & Columbia University. Good day overall.

Signed up for a course in calligraphy.

Saturday August 23 2:35 p.m.

Off to the Guggenheim Museum via Madison Uptown bus. 89^th street & Fifth Ave. Standing in line met a girl named Marilyn, an artist of sorts. Standing in front of a Renoir painting:A Still Life called Flowers. 1885. Began thinking that before me is a work of art that a person took the time to paint, to pay attention to details. That every stroke of his brush represents his effort, to create something out of a blank canvas. As these words written fill up this blank space.

Sunday August 24^th 10:58 p.m.

Every so often I become still. Time moves on but its irrelevant to the moment. to the stillness. And what do I feel in the stillness? Is it a good calming feeling or is it one of pain & loneliness? A void... an unfulfilled sense of being & having a special person. The artist often creates out of this pain. Whatever feeling I may have is nothing others haven't experienced. My pain is not unique to the human condition. Life never remains at a constant. One must cope with whatever plight befalls them. I am not alone in this feeling that there is more to life. I lean on no one.

Monday August 25^th 8:58 p.m.

Found this quote amongst my things. “unless it grows out of yourself, no knowledge is really of value to you, a borrowed plumage never grows.”

Began reading a novel by Barbara Taylor Bradford “A Woman of Substance”.

Wednesday August 27 11:35 a.m.

Standing in the middle of the Picasso exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art on this day- inspired this thought.. what amongst your possessions do you most value? Answer: my journals, my photographs, camera, letters &cards from others, all art, things created out of nothing. Art is the ultimate escape.

Met a girl from Toronto & then a woman from Detroit who especially came to NY for the Picasso exhibit.The museum holds a capacity of 10,000. I think today more than that will pass through. Its Member's ONLY day, & Marilyn got me a ticket. From the museum on 53^rd St & Fifth, I walked to The Comic Strip on 81^st & 2^nd. It was a private party promoting a new book called Spare Ribs by 2 ladies, interviewing women in all walks of life.I had a good time. From there I crosstowned by bus to Lincoln Center area. Saw Neal's apartment at 2 Lincoln Square. Ate dinner at The Saloon &then down to Media Sound Recording Studios to see Emily working on her single. I enjoyed that. It was one of those days one is happy to live in New York City. Needless to say- calling in to work sick was a great idea. I needed such a day.

Friday August 29^th

As the end of the month draws close, the end of the summer, the end of long days-been noticing it gets dark around 8 in the evening. Still hot & humid weather though. I like the Fall. It represents change-newness, vitality.

Sunday August 31 3:22 p.m.

Emily called.Said the sun was out-why not go up to the roof... so it was our farewell goodbye to the summer season and the roof til next year.

In closing out this blog post, I just want to say that for me writing has always been cathartic, “ providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis.( Late Latin: kathartikos, & from Greek: katharsis ‘cleansing’   ....and so it goes.

I have posted only the month of August from Random Thoughts. The journal covers 6 months ending in January of my 27^th year. Perhaps more later.

Thank you for visiting my blog. Love to you!